The Stripped Down Truth

I have recently been made aware of a serious problem in our society, nay our entire species. When I was first told, I was disgusted beyond what I previously thought capable. Did you know that every single person on this planet is walking around completely naked under their clothing? Shocking I know, but it's true. Every single man, woman and child, beneath their layers of underwear and various other outer garments, is totally nude.

I for one am appalled by this revelation! Sure, you may be thinking that it's cool that everyone just struts around in the buff all day every day, you might even think it's a little sexy. Yeah, it may be ok to have the beautiful people of the world live an au naturale lifestlye, but I ask you this: what about the ugly people? I can think of a lot of people that should never be allowed to forego clothing. I know you can too. Think of your grandmother; your dear, sweet grandmother. Do you want hordes of people walking around and thinking of your granny in that way; the woman who took you to the park when you were little and bakes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world?

How could we as a society let this persist for this long? Even though I am usually the type to sit on the sidelines when it comes improving the world (I'm a thinker, not so much a doer), I cannot in good conscience stand idle. When our moral base is jeopardized this severely, the cost of inaction is simply too high. Luckily, the winds of change are blowing in our nation's capital, so now is the time to act. Although I have no personal connection to president Obama, I sincerely believe that he will support my lobbying efforts. If all goes according to plan, I might even get him to mention it in his inauguration speech on Tuesday, so be sure and watch it. And what is my agenda exactly? Simple: we need to form a government watchdog agency whose sole purpose is to combat the social epidemic of hidden nudity.

The Center for the Limitation of Offensive and Tastelessly Hidden Exposed Skin (C.L.O.T.H.E.S.) will be chaired by elected officials, that way they report directly to the American people rather than the Washington bureaucrats. Obviously, this is a long-term project. The first few years will be largely devoted to data collection and research into the problem. This will be done by a top tier brain trust to function as a think tank, or Tank Top if you will. Only once sufficient information has been obtained can we then devise a solution. In order for C.L.O.T.H.E.S. to function properly, every American must make a personal investment in its mission. We cannot break down along lines of personal politics here. C.L.O.T.H.E.S. must be worn by everyone in order ensure that no longer will we be forced to endure walking around completely naked under our clothing. Now is the time to act. Write your local congressman and let him know of the necessity of C.L.O.T.H.E.S. and its implication for the future of our nation. If any of you out there wish to join me in my cause, please voice your support in the comments section so that we can show those D.C bigwigs that we mean business! Thank you, and God Bless America.