The Lady of the Evening

DISCLAIMER: THE PERSON DESCRIBED IN THIS POST IS ENTIRELY FICTIONAL (AS FAR AS I KNOW). ANY SEMBLANCE TO ANY ACTUAL WOMEN I KNOW IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL, SO DON'T READ TOO DEEP INTO IT. I'M DISHING THIS STUFF STRAIGHT UP.

I am being haunted. I don't think it's a ghost, but something has been haunting me for years, and I've just now realized the gravity of it. I think I'm being haunted by a woman.

Since I was about 14, I have occasionally had strange dreams. Taken seperately, each one is nothing odd. They are dreams in which I interact with a woman in various ways, ranging from helping her move into a dorm room, her convincing me to go swimming alone with her, and most recently, keeping her company in a dark scary forest with intimate results. The part that freaks me out: it's been the same woman every time!

Now I don't hide the fact that I dream about women, and usually like it. I've dreamt about female celebrities, gal pals, former girlfriends, and casual acquaintences. But I have no idea who this dream woman is. This is not some girl I know, indeed I have never seen her before in my entire life. Her exisitence is a complete mystery to me. She can't represent any one person, because the only women I have known for that long are relatives (and don't even go there, you sick bastards).

I can never remember her face when I wake up, but I do retain a certain sense of familiarity every time one such dream occurs. I can also recall a few general details that have been consistent. She has somewhat long, straight brown hair, is shorter than me (around 5'9"-5'10" maybe) and has a somewhat slender build, but not overly skinny. Her appearance is never exactly the same. When I was 14, she looked about my age, and has continued to age with me over the years, as if she's growing with me. Her personality is usually the same too. She's typically very quiet, but is very sweet and can be a little timid, but she has a wild streak that can lead her into some interesting situations. She also really like me. A lot. I daresay she needs me. Although she's the same every time, most dreams involve an introduction in which there is immediate and intense chemistry between us, so much so that some dreams end up with us presumably married years later and still very much in love.

Sounds like a good deal, right? No. The reason being that every time I wake up from one of these dreams, it feels like my heart is breaking upon the realization that it was all a dream. I had one last night, and I actually fought myself for about an hour this morning trying to force myself back to sleep so that I wouldn't have to give her up, yet again. It sucked. I was Eeyore for the rest of the day because of it. Why? Why?! Who is this woman and why do I love her this much even though she doesn't exist?

I have a few theories regarding this somnambulist siren. One is that she's my anima, my dormant inner female fighting to express herself. Another is that she's simply my subconscious defragging all of my male urges while I sleep. The final major idea is the one I've invested the most stock in, probably because it's the most optimistic one: she is the woman of my dreams. Now I don't put a lot of faith into the "one soul mate" theory, but I also realize that all bets are off when it comes to love, so I can't help but wonder, what if this chick is my one true love, reaching out to me astrally in some sort of nighttime communion? Is she real? Could she actually exist, and beyond that, have dreams about me and wonder who I am? Are we destined to one day finally cross paths and experience the same connection that has heretofore only been the stuff of dreams? I wish I knew. She doesn't even have a name that I know of, but if you're out there, know that I know you, and while not actively seeking you out, secretly hope that one day we shall meet, because if you are real, if I can even experience a fraction of the love for you that I feel in my sleep, I will die a happy man.

Hurm...I just realized how heavy this post was. I need to come up with something a little lighter next time.