Bumper Sticker Philosophy

I'm going to put this right out in front here to get it out of the way: I have a beef with Philosophy. This isn't to say that I don't think that every person has the right to look up at the night sky or whatever and think abut the nature of everything; it's part of who we are. Where I have a problem is in Philosophy with a capital "P", the formal systemization of determining human thought that is discussed in the parlors of Paris and the classrooms of universities. I should know. I'm bombarded with this stuff constantly. I'm not so much against the teachers teaching it, it is their job after all, but it's the hearing other students go on and on about how they just read "Atlas Shrugged" and how their lives have been changed forever. You're right, your life has been changed: you've just become older having read through a forest-and-a-half of paper that would proabably have been better used for toilet tissue.

This is not just about Ayn Rand though, although I do have my own issues with her, it's about the whole idea of Philosophy. What is it about these men and women throughout history that gives them the apparent answers to the questions that we all ask but will never find an answer for. C'mon, you know them: Why are we here? What happens when we're not here anymore? What is morality? What defines good and evil? Why does horse shit smell so bad, yet remain crucial to the horse's existence?

I have no problem with ideas. Ideas are great. They make people think and are behind the best things that humanity has to offer. But at some point, usually after the original idea creator is long dead, some ideas get warped and corrupted and become schools of Philosophy. I mean, did Aristotle really set out to create the basis for all science and empirical thinking, or did he just think, "So you say your dick's bigger than mine? Prove it!"

Philosophy is intended to provide insight into the intricacies of human thought, yet the only people who understand it are introverted intellectuals and emo barristas who thought that it would be cool to major in Philosophy in college. They have shanghai'd the greater wisdom of the universe for themselves. Or have they?

Does it take a library of texts and an honors class to be considered a legitimate philosophy? I would argue no. I truly believe that the best insight to the inner workings of the mind and the universe are not in these places, but in a much more common place. People's cars. Bumper stickers, or at least the idea of bumper stickers, speaks more to the greater good. Charles Schultz said, "There's a difference between philosophy and a bumper sticker," and it's true. Philosophy is a bloated and overrated area of knowledge that takes perfectly reasonable and understandable premises and twists and perverts them into something so complex and incomprehensible that it takes four years and $80,000 to even get the slightest idea of what it's about. Bumper stickers on the other hand are short, easy-to-read sayings that are designed to arouse a response in the reader, as well as provide insight into the owner of the sticker.

Many people like some bumper stickers because they are simply "cute" sayings that they want to share. Ok, but look just a little deeper. Sound bites are more potent and eloquent in their brevity than a plethora of philosophy books. We don't need them explained to us because, on a gut level, we immediately understand the message that the "cute" little phrase is getting across. Even if the interpretation is not the intended one, it is still making you think.

Philosphers are just assholes who walk around and explain jokes to you, and if there is one absolute in the universe, a joke is not funny if you have to explain it afterwards. Just read that last sentence and you'll get it. Don't bother with the rest of this post.