Erin Go Home

St. Patrick's Day: a holiday where everyone is Irish for a day. A time for building community and a chance to let loose and have a little fun...[insert jerking motion here]

I find it amazing that Americans have managed to wrestle the wheel of St. Patrick's Day away from the Irish in such a spectacular fashion. I mean, do people really need that much of an excuse to go out and get drunk with their friends? Does green beer possess some magical ability to make your buzz even more enjoyable? If so, than go buy some green food coloring (it's cheap, I promise) and make your own green beer without having to corrupt a perfectly good holiday. I mean, why exactly does everyone want to be Irish for a day anyway? What is it about being Irish that is so desirable to make you want to renounce your own national identity?

I'll be clear here: I am not Irish. I'm one-eighth Irish on my mother's side, but that's it. I'm no more Irish than I am German, French, Welsh, or [rumored to be]Polish. I do not identify with the Irish culture in any way. I'm American. I do have a healthy respect for the Irish people, their culture (especially their songs and stories), and their contribution to the history of the US. But I have no idea what it is like to be Irish, nor do most other people.

My view is this: unless you are fresh off the boat or have an Irish ID, you're really going to have to sell me on why you consider yourself Irish, or any other culture for that matter. The culture with which you identify is an integral part of your identity. Heck, you may choose to reject the whole idea of identifying with a culture and merely identify yourself as yourself, nothing more. That's fine too. But you shouldn't choose this on a whim, and you sure as hell shouldn't put on a green hat and get blind-drunk to solidify your feelings of personal self-worth.

St. Patrick's Day is a religious feast day for the [real]Irish to commemorate the death of St. Patrick, the man who introduced Christianity to Ireland. That's it. No parade, no gay Irish protestors demanding to take place in a parade, no leprechauns, no green beer, none of that crap. A catholic holiday for Irish catholics. Go to mass and have a nice day. I'm not catholic, so I don't bother to celebrate. I don't need an excuse to drink, and if you do, that might be an early sign of alcoholism.

You don't get people lining the streets on Columbus Day in Armani suits and drinking chianti in an effort to be Italian for a day, or donning tooks and chowing down on back bacon for Boxing Day. We don't rise up and overthow the Czar on May Day and institute a corrupt communist government. What makes Ireland special here?

Don't we have plenty of holidays as a nation already. I mean, we don't even get the day off for crying out loud. Is that really worth celebrating? I get more jazzed about Labor Day, and not just because it's my birthday. Let the Irish have their Irish holiday, and let's stick to American holidays. And if you still have the need to guzzle a green beer or five, then go back to Ireland, you lousy drunk!