NERRRRRRRRRDS!!!

Nerds are an interesting subculture. They are harassed, bullied, and ridiculed by many, and yet this does not phase them, either because of their Illuminati-like control over the world's workings, or because they lack the social cues to care. Either way, I have always felt conflicted about nerds. I grew up watching Star Wars, I played QuizBowl for three years in high school, I can name all fifty states in alphabetical order in less than 30 seconds, and yet I have never seen myself as a nerd. I don't speak Klingon, I'm average at best at chess, I don't read comic books, and I only know enough about computers to be dangerous (I used to think Java Script was knowing how to read that fucking cuneiform tablet of a menu at StarBucks).

I have fought this label for most of my life, and for the most part, it has worked. I run from it, and yet I cannot escape a beast that is chained to my ankle. Some of my dearest friends are unashamedly nerds. There have been other nerds that I could not stand because I found them too goddamned annoying; the ones who refused to watch modern movies and read The Onion like it's holy writ, mostly. So how can I put my soul at peace here?

Like this: I am a nerd, but a special kind of nerd. I'm not full on retainer-on-the-lunch-tray, but I can still pass myself off as one if need be. I am the daywalker; able to walk amongst them, yet never fully be one of them. I am a man's nerd. I know James Bond and Indiana Jones inside out. I know how to choose and fix a good glass of Scotch. I'll debate The Who versus Led Zepplin. I will eat even the cheapest steak just because somewhere it will make a hippy tear up. This is who I am. And I am no Tigger, I am not the only one of us out there. I call out to you now my fellow daywalker brethren. We no longer need to hide our love of Weird Al, nor must we hold back our understanding of professional sports. A new age is dawning, brothers and sisters! Take my hand and walk with me into this dawn, for once we no longer hide from ourselves or others, we can rise up and make our voices heard!