Waiter, I'll Have the Screwball Comedy

Art is like food. No, it's more like art is food; for the mind anyway. Maybe I'm just on this train of thought because I haven't eaten anything today and am starting to get a case of the crazies, but maybe, just maybe, I'm onto something here. Rather than try and extend this metaphor onto the whole of art and art culture (I'd rather not try and see if I can can make my head explode, but that would be a good start), it would probably be best to tweak the lens here a bit and get a visible beam with which to work. For now, I'll stay in the realm of films, as this is the one with with I am the most familiar (besides cartoons that is, but that's more of a subset).

Now bear with me here as we return to the original premise that art is food. Stop right now and write down as many different foods that you can think of...it's ok, I'll wait. It's not like this is going on in real time or anything. Really...just take a few minutes and do it.

Did you do it? C'mon, just do it for sixty seconds.



I'm not going to continue until you do it, so you might as well just get it over with. *glare*



Ok, so you probably came up with quite few right? Some were your personal favorites, maybe something you had at a nice restaurant on the last date you went on, something you saw on one of those shows on Food Network that you watch but will never admit to your friends (it's alright, we all think Rachel Ray is kinda hot), or maybe just whatever is sitting around in your house right now. I'm sure there was at least some diversity in your list. This same principle can be applied to movies as well.

Not all films are created equal, and it is a simple truth of the universe that some are better than others. Certain high-quality films are like a fine dish of coq au vin; it uses the finest ingredients and, when placed in the hands of a master chef result in something that is a delight for not only your palette, but every sense is set aflutter at its presentation and consumption. These are your complex, character-driven stories that tug at all of your emotions and have you leaving the theater like you have witnessed something wonderful. This is the stuff Oscar contenders and time-tested classics classic are made of, think Citizen Kane or There Will Be Blood. These are so good that you may think that you see God. Oppositely, you may not be a fan of fine French cuisine, but you can at least appreciate the greatness of it, even if it isn't exactly your cup of tea.

Next up we have something like The Dark Knight, a great film by most standards. I won't go so far as to procalaim it one of the greatest movies ever, but I thought it was phenominal, and it has made a billion dollars, so there has to be something there. I would put it maybe on par with either a really good steak or maybe a kobe beef burger, something meaty that is above the rest in quality, but not quite on the same level of subtlty and complexity as something an Iron Chef would whip up in kitchen stadium. It's great, and most people would pay to enjoy it, maybe even enough to order seconds, like when it gets re-released in January (actually it would be thirds for me).

Then we have delicious classics that everybody can love or appreciate in some way. This is where I place cats like Spielberg. These guys understand something fundamental about human nature and seek to express it. Stuff like E.T., Jurrasic Park, and the like are the apple pies and meatloafs of cinema. Well made, delicious, and done with just the right amount of love. These movies make us feel good because they appeal to us on a very basic level, the same way the smell of fresh-baked cookies tickles your nose when you come home from school. These movies are more likely to be our comfort food, the stuff we turn to when we know how we want to feel a certain way.

These categories are all a bit broad. Now we get into the more specific categories that have less general appeal, but have definite niche followings. Action films are like barbeque, a male pastime involving meat, fire, and just the right amount of spice to give it a good kick. On the other side of the coin, chick flicks are a box of chocolate covered strawberries, they're sweet, make you feel good when you're down, and can be used by men to make you chicks like us more. Imagine kiddy films as a big bowl of your favorite cereal, everyone has his or her own personal fave and likes to indulge once and a while and remember a simpler time. If you like to try new things and want to experiment with something you've never seen before, those rogue independent films are like the fried squid tentacles, something you just need to experience because it expands your personal boundaries a bit. It won't kill 'ya, and who knows, you might even like it.

There is one area that I have to address seperately. There's junk food, and then there's just plain crap. A lot of films are simply guilty pleasures that we like to watch even if we know they aren't very good for us. It's ok, I've seen TMNT three times too. But some movies are just the equivalent of fried butter, nasty shit that shifty carnies try to sell to us in the spirit of fun. I'm thinking particularly of the recent _____Movie trend. You know, Scary Movie, Date Movie, Action Movie, and its cheap imitators. This is the kind of stuff that we have no business putting into our bodies, because it tastes terrible, and its only going to make our lives shorter and less fulfilling.

Although each of these categories has its own value (for the most part), remember that it is never good to eat too much of the same thing all of the time. A balanced diet is the key to a healthy and happy life, and the same goes for movies as well. They can't all be glorious masterpieces, or else our tongues would become dull, nor can they be all cheap popcorn, because it just isn't that nutritious, and if all we ate was junk food, we'd all be fat blobs of shit that could not longer fully appreciate all life has to offer. So remember to always peruse the menu, ask about the specials, and tip your waiter.