I'm usually of the opinion that current advertising has never been worse or more oversaturated in our culture, but I saw something today that may have changed that. Traditionally, PSAs have been infamous for their rediculous messages and even more rediculous production quality, but this was unlike anything that I have ever seen, and I feel compulsed to share it with others who are sure to appreciate it. I have struggled to find the commercial online, but to no avail, so I'll simply describe it to you:
"A woman in her thirties is seated in a warmly lit room with hints of holiday decorations, the camera tightens in on her face.
'This year, give your man the gift he really wants. Schedule him for a regular prostate exam.'"
I didn't hear the rest of the commercial because I was too busy gasping for air between guffaws. It's every man's dream to wake up bright and early on Christmas morning, scamper down the stairs to see what Santa brought you for being a good boy this year, but instead of an Xbox 360 or a new bike, you find a doctor with a rubber glove under the tree. It's a Christmas miracle!
Not that I'm against proper health care and the importance of regular checkups, but this has to be the worst Christmas gift ever. Worse than that piece of shit sweater that your myopic aunt gives you every year. I don't even know how it would work. I've tried to figure it out, but I just can't put my finger on it. Do you get a doctor under the tree as described above? Does Santa do it? Sweet Jesus on a Unicycle! That's right, you go to bed tonight with the image of Jolly Ol' Saint Nick pumping your grundle with only the light of the yule log and the Xmas tree to guide that finger that shoots him up your chimmney. If that happens, you might want to forgo the milk and cookies and just leave a box of latex gloves and a bottle of K-Y Jelly. I don't even think prisoners deserve that, and they are used to being sodomized by fat guys with beards.
The commercial was dead serious, but I pray to God that nobody treats it as such. Never before have I been so happy to be young and single. Fellas, if you have a woman and she suggests this to you, kick her ass to the curb! If you think you've got yourself one of the good ones and can't bear with trading her in for a different model, then respond to her in a way to let her know that you respect her opinion and wishes:
"Ok, honey, I'll do this because it's Christmas and I love you, but you have to let me do it to you on my birthday."
Compromise is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship after all.
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1 comment:
It almost killed me, for I could not breathe.
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