Rabbit Holes of Grandeur

I’m a realist. Some would take that to mean that I am an uninspired pessimist, but that’s not it. I’m a realist because I first and foremost believe in the concept of reality. We live in a material realm that is bound by certain rules and limitations. As part of that paradigm, we are similarly constrained, meaning that we are only capable of doing so much…sort of. You see, we have one gift that is not bound by these chains. Love or hate our big, fat inflated heads, one thing we have that everybody loves is the human imagination. Creativity, fantasy, these are the things with which we waste our time. Everybody fantasizes. You name a subject, and somebody fantasizes about it. Why do we do it? Honestly, reality gets a little boring on us sometimes. We just need to escape and not be ourselves every once in a while. It’s a perfectly human desire.

Luckily, we live in a culture that is brilliant at distracting us from our lives, perhaps maybe too well. We can go to the movies or watch TV and play make-believe. Centuries of books titillate us with words that we use to paint pictures in our minds. If you like a bit more control, there are plenty of video games to allow for a little vicarious living, or you can simply put on some music and just tune out to the world and get lost in your own head. Everybody has some sort of sexual fantasy too; that one thing that we’ve always wanted to do, or have done to us, but haven’t had the sand to request, either because we’re too embarrassed or it’s illegal in most states. In your mind, you can be on a beach in Mexico, a superhero, the world’s greatest lover, or Senor Speedo, the Mexican beach-bum superhero who all the women want in the worst way.

Some fantasies are best left in your head. If you really did smack that blithering idiot who sits next you in class in the head with a large freshwater fish, there would probably some sort of consequence there, and not the cheering of the entire class like you’d hoped. Some can come true when all of the stars are aligned properly. Maybe one day you’ll meet a guy who gets off tying you up and smacking you with a large freshwater fish, just like you’d dreamed of on so many lonely, fishless nights. It is candy for the soul; a sweet little yummy that brightens up our day. Also like candy, we sometimes get the naïve conception that it is all we need in order to be happy. Fantasy is like Vermont: it’s a nice place to visit, but you’d kill yourself if you had to live there.

Some people don’t take too much of a shine to this concept. We call them addicts. Addiction, in a nutshell, is any unhealthy fixation that interferes with normal daily functioning. I take this to mean that addiction is what happens when a person would rather live in fantasy than reality. For them, reality is a cruel and harsh place where nothing ever goes the way it should, and life is just one horrible misfortune after another. Some turn to the tried and true methods of coping with mind-altering substances. These classics all have the same story: spiral and burnout until it just can’t cut it anymore. Chemical addictions are a totally different animal and I am no Dr. Drew. As much as I’d love to hold back Keith Urban’s hair while he yacks into a trash bin, that’s not my scene. Psychological addictions though are a little easier to wrap my head around.

There are some tried and true culprits to run to here as well. Let’s check them off: Gambling? Check. Eating? Check. Porn? Check. Video Games? This one I know personally. There was I time in my life that, in retrospect, might have been a bit of a soft addiction, that is until I saw those news stories about those kids who do nothing but play World of Warcraft until they literally waste away in their desk chairs. I have some sympathy for these people. They have deep rooted issues that require serious help in order to save them from themselves.

Having said that, some people just need to get their shit together…

Like one couple in the UK that I saw today. They met online and were soon married. Ok, so it’s not exactly The Notebook, but it works for these modern times. So these two ended up with their happy ending…until she caught him cheating with a call girl. Well…it wasn’t exactly cheating. She caught him cuddling with the other woman on “Second Life”. Have you heard of this thing? It’s an online virtual world where you design an avatar for yourself and live a life however you want. To reiterate, you live a normal life, only it’s online. Who the fuck needs to save the world from mutant alien zombies when you can go buy groceries? This woman divorced her husband for sleeping with a woman online, and not like phone sex or anything, just clicking and letting your pixilated pants python do the rest. She actually divorced him for playing a game. This is sadder than sad. I’ve seen pictures of these people, and that cat was not exactly Frank Sinatra. The only way he could have gotten laid was with a fake internet puppet.

Folks, here’s the bottom line: reality can be tough sometimes. Wear a cup. It’s not going to be happiness and sunshine all of the time. If it was, then happiness would have no meaning when you do encounter it. So go ahead and step through the looking glass once and awhile, just remember to leave some bread crumbs so that you can find your way back.

And if you insist on having some sort of unhealthy vice, I’ve already though that one out. Go back and read my “Vice Guy Syndrome” post.